The Late-Night Post: Entry 2 – A Ghost’s Little Surprise

Fair warning: This is not a ghost story.

‘Twas Thursday — the day I used to look forward to 2 years passed.

I went to school around 9AM and went to the library. It was our quiz on Geotechnical Engineering. Besavilla’s book was out hence I borrowed Gillesania review book for geotech from the student assistant in the lib.

I took out the borrower’s log card to write my name at the back of the book. What I saw there on the log killed the shit outta me. Someone said hi to me on the frigging log card! Right beside my name! It says “Hi Cye” and it switched me into grammar OC. “It” forgot the comma after hi! (Sorry. Grammarian mode is intentional. Please don’t hate me.)

The writer is none other than the guy who borrowed after me. (I borrowed the same book weeks ago.) The past me knew him very well. He never failed to surprise me. Drat that. The gesture was sweet. But if he were another person, I might think this plot is outta a shoujo manga. And hey, this must be sparks. But not. Me want sparks. Not some old ghost saying hi after a year of ended friendship.

I did not know what to feel. I like surprises like this. Not from him though. I felt dragged back to how I was a year ago — an empty, lifeless shell. A year ago, all aspects of my life failed especially academics. The issue that was supposed to be just between us leaked and hola! I looked like an unforgiving bitch until now. Thanks to certain people who couldn’t apologize properly and to my pride as high as Pepe’s kite.

I couldn’t concentrate on what I was studying. Oh, man. That sucked. It was really a bad idea to be immersed on those thoughts again.

The what-ifs. The I-should-haves. The regrets. The maybes. The happy times. The sad times.

I thought we lived differently now, not minding of each others’ lives because that is what I do and what I think they do.

It partly of pissed me off. That was foul play. If he did that to not fully erase his existence (that I am still in the process of), well, congratulations, he did. Chances are he did that for nothing and look at how the damage to me was. I did not perfect the frigging quiz; I aimed to get a hundred!!! I studied hard for it yet a single gesture would make me forget yesternight’s worth of studying. I was just staring blindly from where I sit because I could not think of anything else.

Then I went to the WC. And I saw him in flesh. Really, not a good day to start. Jinx.

If you happen to read this, kindly leave me alone. I am still not ready for anything. I still don’t want to see you or be reminded of you. You don’t know how much damage you did.

Posted 2:00 AM
Sorry for ranting.

The Late-Night Post

Every vacation, I have insomnia. Well everyone knows that modern kids have ‘em. But I think I am kind of abnormal. I sleep at 4 in the morning. Roughly. The earliest is 3 AM and the worst was around 6 AM.

I have this phenomenon that before sleeping a flash flood of awesome ideas are circling around my head one after another in which I will forget the next day (or hour). I am not the only one, right? Everyone has!

And so as to not waste these ideas, I will just post it here since no one is actually reading this. If I got a reader or two, I might not post as deliberately as I did. Now, comment! Hahaha

So for my first entry, I become addicted to Chihayafuru. It is one of the reasons for keeping me from sleeping. It is about karuta, a Japanese game that requires memorizing and cramming. A player must be veeeery agile. A player must know the Hundred Poems since it plays a huge part in the game. Karuta is not played worldwide and just like what the character Wataya Arata said, “If you are the best in Japan, you are the best in the world.”

Seeing the series, I want to play karuta and understand the Hundred Poems. Their meanings are beautiful! Well I just know some of their meanings because it is stated in the series.

I like Arata for Chihaya but Taichi, I am developing for him! Kyaa~! *flowers*

I am finishing the first season so I am looking forward to second season.

Posted at 4:18 AM GMT +08

I have an appointment at 9 and have to wake up at 6. Man, I have less than 2 hours.

Surprises

I love surprises. Good ones, of course. Who wants bad ones anyway?

I love to experience it so much that I plan surprises for my friends. Yes, yes, to give them a subtle clue. But, it was too subtle to notice! Man, I give them the most noticeable ones, I even tell them straight! How could they forget! Get a clue, man!

Not once. I was thrown a surprise party. Sadly. </3

I don't look like it but I am a sentimental person. I like letters over texts, that kind.

I hope my friends to conspire one another to throw me a surprise party. Something that would make me produce tears of joy. Really, I am so thoughtful that I give them gifts both on their birthdays and Christmas. I am kind of tired giving gifts and throwing a surprise party.

I was really lonely on my last birthday. Starbucks partners were nice to greet me happy birthday. I actually hated my friends that day and my birthday. Well, it couldn't be helped. Fvck holiday. Fvck midterms. I don't want anyone to post on my Facebook timeline on my birthday. I think they are fake because fucking Facebook reminded them.

My ideal surprise party?
Anything! Drat that. I want something creative. Something original.

Me being blindfolded or make me go in a labyrinth and in the end there is the surprise.
I actually love letters and notes so I am hoping to get a card full of messages from friends. Just good friends.
A cactus in a pot!!!
A reenactment of a debut!!!
(They are not creative. Hahaha)

In my whole 20 years, I haven't received a surprise on my birthday. Though in high school my good friends attempted to surprise me with a gift, I knew it right away and pretended to be surprised as to not ruin the moment. But I have lost all hope on my college friends. Drat. Yeah, I am pouting about it. Hahaha

It is 5:24 AM now and I haven’t slept. Hahaha maybe it is time to hit the sack!
Sorry for this random sulking post!

A Fetish for Tear-Jerker Films

I look and act like a kuudere (Japanese for cool-type characters) but I have a great, great love for sad movies — no, tear-jerker movies!

It all started when I became a college student. I recalled watching Windstruck. Man, it was said as a tear-jerker movie by my friend. I had not cried in any movie then so I challenged myself to give it a try. *contains SPOILERS* I was on the brink of crying when the male lead died however on the scene where his soul was finally saying goodbye to his depressed girlfriend, I couldn’t effing stop iiiit! It felt really good crying. I couldn’t move on for days!

Then I started asking my friends any movie that would surely make me cry. They gave me a good list: My Sister’s Keeper, A Moment to Remember, I Give My First Love to You, A Millionnaire’s First Love, Koizora, to give a few. These are notable ones by the way.

I mostly cried on Korean movies. They are really good in film making. And I like watching alone. I haven’t watched with anybody yet. That is why.

There was a time when I couldn’t cry. Nothing tingled my heartstrings. I stopped watching them for a while. I was very depressed. I thought I cried too much in real life in a very limited time. I said to myself if I cried again for that reason, I would not be able to save myself. I sought for a horror movie (for the first time and would be the last one I swear) to make me scream the daylights out of me. I felt like my life was fucked up that time in every area. It was Apartment 1303. I was disappointed. I did not scream much. I wasted money. Man, tear-jerkers are waaay better.

And so to cure myself (for not crying), I watched a certified tear-jerker movie that would be my excuse for crying. It was A Moment to Remember. There. I had a gooood cry. I loved it. Man, I feel like a crybaby! Hahaha but I don’t care. I really hope only tear-jerker films and anime could make me cry. I don’t really like crying much in real life.

As for anime series and movies, AnoHana is the only anime, both series and movie, that made me cry sooo much for three episodes!

I recently watched Miracle in Cell No. 7. It was the only movie that made me cry from start to finish. *sobs*

I am so emo. Hahaha

Signs

Signs.

Girls commonly ask for them whenever something’s confusing or bothering them. For us, they are tossing coins. Tossing coins decide the undecided.

I asked for a sign. The “yellow car sign” as we put them. It is said that when you have counted a hundred yellow cars, the person who you first see or first talk to you, she’s/he’s the one destined for you. I counted. And counted. For months. Finally, I finished counting one night. There he was, approaching me, “the one I am destined for me.” Yes, he was the first one I saw and talked to me. God knows how scary and confused I was. I wanna kill his existence. That night, I began to mess up everything.

After 9 months, I rejected the whole yellow car thing. Oh, calamity! The whole signs thing was crap.

Recently there is the pink shirt sign. I am pretty undecisive this time. It is a matter of pride. So I asked for it — a sign. If there were a person wearing a pink shirt on the same public transportation I rode on, I would go.

Damn signs! As I was going to the terminal, there were people wore pink! All were girls. When I sat on the jeepney to MRT EDSA, there was a girl whose shirt was pink! Next on the MRT, there are five (one stood next to me!) — all were girls. Last, jeep to our home. Another one wore pink!

Hence it was decided I would go. As a friend said, maybe it is God’s plan.

So I waited for the response. Nothing came after that convo. Yet again, I was disappointed.

Dang signs.

Year-end Highlights: 2013

It started bad. Here comes the depths of depression! Wooh!

I had an argument at the start of the year but didn’t clear up totally. However, I didn’t mind it from that day on for what was important was friendship anyway. Pride wasn’t important anyway.

My only grandparent died. I saw my mom devastated and how heartbreaking it was.

CE Night. IT WAS MY EFFING FIRST TIME!!! I never attended JS prom on high school. I was quite envious. Since it was on the day of my granny’s interment, we quite rushed things. I just had a random dress (not gown) borrowed from our landlady. I didn’t have time for make-up. I didn’t know how to apply make-up that time. The person waiting for me was quite mad. Ugh. I hid it from my friends I was still mourning so not to be a killjoy. I was actually happy but the death of my granny made me not-so-happy. It made me forget the nightmare I had. Thanks to my crazy friends.

2013 was my first ever Valentine’s. Though I had no date, I liked helping out my friends surprising their beloved. However, Vee was hurt that time.

I saw for the first time how wasted people could be thanks to intoxication.

On my 19th birthday, finally, Vee attended! Wooh! She gave me a black box I wanted ever since. At present, it is my Pandora’s Box. Sadly, Kate did not come again due to the effing convention for accountancy students. :(

I thought I would fail Mechanics of Deformable Bodues. I was even prepared! I passed.

Fourth year. I became very close with Maye, my ECE friend. I had the most ineffective professors! I didn’t feel like studying anymore. I felt like I was a zombie.

I was hailed as Academic Directress of Adamson University – Association of Civil Engineering Students.

Vee and Reil became a couple.

I lost my most “important friends.” I was brain-dead. I untrusted many people.

Though I lost friends, true ones remained.

I have a new phone!

I learned make-up and earned self-esteem. I know little by little, I did. I am still on the process of killing the shy Cye. Gradually, I am revealing the true me.

Half of the remaining block students failed Structural Theory 1. Chezki’s scholarship was pulled out.

AdU-LEAD!!! The three-day team building Baguio experience for Recognized Student Organizations (RSOs) in Adamson University. I had fuuuuun. I love Baguio.

Dad went home from Kuwait. From what I heard, he was forced to leave. It was unknown if he still had work. :(

On Christmas day, we had a familial crisis. My whole family was crying. I must be strong for my siblings. On that night, what the future may be kept flashing. I realized I must have a job to support my studies — Dad’s work might be gone, also we were in huge debts. I will be effing rich one day!!!

We had a new desktop PC. I broke it together with my laptop. :(

Food Adventurer’s Club-United was founded consisting of Homer, Kirby and me. :3

Maye and I became closer than ever! XD

Finally reunited with Karlo-kun after two years!

Kate’s 20th birthday at Gapan. Hehehe

Reneil-kun comes in Kate’s life.

On the last day of 2013, I was with my DH family. :)

2013 ended with a smile on my face. It gave me my ups and downs, with so many tears poured and wasted, yet at the end of the day, I learned valuable lessons.

Hence, 2014, BRING IT ON!