The Late-Night Post: Entry 3

One and a half year.

That is how long since we ceased to communicate with each other.

Four and a half years.

That is how long our friendship is.
It was supposed to be.

But guess what? It ended. After  three years.

We passedby each other like strangers. It is such a shame.

Well, eyebrows were raised and still are raising because we are graduating and I have no plans on talking to you. They call me an unforgiving bitch ever since that day.

I don’t care.

They don’t know the story, I told myself.

But I don’t blame them.

Because I am focused on studying and establishing a name for myself.

People around me say to me that I should forgive you and talk to you because we are leaving the university on such bad terms.

I call it bullshit. For they pester me and not letting me decide for myself, that’s why. I won’t be annoyed if they only tell it once or twice and listen to me why. But no. Every frigging time? God.

Once again, I have not found in me the sincerity of wanting you to go back in my life. Both of you are non-existent in my vast universe. I have not found the answer yet.

It is either I found the answer myself or you approach me. (I have given you the freaking chance! Why let it slip away?) I am free whenever. However, I am exhausted of waiting that I lost interest. Boohoo.

Well, I do hope that you are happy for what you sacrificed. You made your choice and I respect that. I decided to erase both of you in my life so you can be happy.

Thank you though. I will not die crumbling myself in the corner following him. It made me expand horizons. Most of all, I got new friends which is nice. Moreover, I am happy with who I am with.

This is not my farewell statement though.

The Sembreak Comeback

After more than a month of not posting regularly, here I am typing random nonsense in my good ol’ blog as usual.

And so it is my semestral break and I miss writing. (Just kidding, I am just experiencing ennui.) Gee, I got no one else to talk to. Well, I actually want to travel and be a backpacker. It is my dream to be. I am very much envious of my friends, they rain my newsfeed with their posts and photos of their travels in provinces. I am born in the city and it makes sense if I get bored with the city lights.

Hence I am here blabbering how much I want to pack my things and travel to Cebu or Cagayan de Oro or Tagaytay. I really want to do it someday.

This semester, I decided to go rent a room with friends. I used to go home every weekend but on finals, I prioritized studying so I never went home until the end of the semester.

Mom now goes to work. When I went home, it felt like it was not ours. My cousins and bitchy girlfriend of one dominated our home as if it wasn’t ours. The hell I want to change the freaking password again and block their IP addresses forever. Yes, I am very stingy. I don’t want the society’s scum to have it easy in life. That is how my twisted brain works.

So when they packed their bags and leave with their girlfriends, how happy I was. Really, it is for the better of our home and my mom’s health. But at the same time, felt bad for my aunt who is living the life of a single lady and works hard for her useless kids. I mean it — her hard-earned money goes to waste. They are leeching her off.

When they came back, I feel like singing and so you’re back from outer space.

Well this is my feeling about it. I don’t want to get involved with them and I have nothing to do with them anymore unless they turn 180° and study well for their mother.

Nuff said. I wish I have a laptop again at hand to change the freaking SSID or password.

Well, I miss the dorm life and its perks. There, I just worry about my studies and never stress over those things.

Overall, I want to live in a condo in Vito Cruz peacefully.

The Late-Night Post: Entry 2 – A Ghost’s Little Surprise

Fair warning: This is not a ghost story.

‘Twas Thursday — the day I used to look forward to 2 years passed.

I went to school around 9AM and went to the library. It was our quiz on Geotechnical Engineering. Besavilla’s book was out hence I borrowed Gillesania review book for geotech from the student assistant in the lib.

I took out the borrower’s log card to write my name at the back of the book. What I saw there on the log killed the shit outta me. Someone said hi to me on the frigging log card! Right beside my name! It says “Hi Cye” and it switched me into grammar OC. “It” forgot the comma after hi! (Sorry. Grammarian mode is intentional. Please don’t hate me.)

The writer is none other than the guy who borrowed after me. (I borrowed the same book weeks ago.) The past me knew him very well. He never failed to surprise me. Drat that. The gesture was sweet. But if he were another person, I might think this plot is outta a shoujo manga. And hey, this must be sparks. But not. Me want sparks. Not some old ghost saying hi after a year of ended friendship.

I did not know what to feel. I like surprises like this. Not from him though. I felt dragged back to how I was a year ago — an empty, lifeless shell. A year ago, all aspects of my life failed especially academics. The issue that was supposed to be just between us leaked and hola! I looked like an unforgiving bitch until now. Thanks to certain people who couldn’t apologize properly and to my pride as high as Pepe’s kite.

I couldn’t concentrate on what I was studying. Oh, man. That sucked. It was really a bad idea to be immersed on those thoughts again.

The what-ifs. The I-should-haves. The regrets. The maybes. The happy times. The sad times.

I thought we lived differently now, not minding of each others’ lives because that is what I do and what I think they do.

It partly of pissed me off. That was foul play. If he did that to not fully erase his existence (that I am still in the process of), well, congratulations, he did. Chances are he did that for nothing and look at how the damage to me was. I did not perfect the frigging quiz; I aimed to get a hundred!!! I studied hard for it yet a single gesture would make me forget yesternight’s worth of studying. I was just staring blindly from where I sit because I could not think of anything else.

Then I went to the WC. And I saw him in flesh. Really, not a good day to start. Jinx.

If you happen to read this, kindly leave me alone. I am still not ready for anything. I still don’t want to see you or be reminded of you. You don’t know how much damage you did.

Posted 2:00 AM
Sorry for ranting.

The Late-Night Post

Every vacation, I have insomnia. Well everyone knows that modern kids have ‘em. But I think I am kind of abnormal. I sleep at 4 in the morning. Roughly. The earliest is 3 AM and the worst was around 6 AM.

I have this phenomenon that before sleeping a flash flood of awesome ideas are circling around my head one after another in which I will forget the next day (or hour). I am not the only one, right? Everyone has!

And so as to not waste these ideas, I will just post it here since no one is actually reading this. If I got a reader or two, I might not post as deliberately as I did. Now, comment! Hahaha

So for my first entry, I become addicted to Chihayafuru. It is one of the reasons for keeping me from sleeping. It is about karuta, a Japanese game that requires memorizing and cramming. A player must be veeeery agile. A player must know the Hundred Poems since it plays a huge part in the game. Karuta is not played worldwide and just like what the character Wataya Arata said, “If you are the best in Japan, you are the best in the world.”

Seeing the series, I want to play karuta and understand the Hundred Poems. Their meanings are beautiful! Well I just know some of their meanings because it is stated in the series.

I like Arata for Chihaya but Taichi, I am developing for him! Kyaa~! *flowers*

I am finishing the first season so I am looking forward to second season.

Posted at 4:18 AM GMT +08

I have an appointment at 9 and have to wake up at 6. Man, I have less than 2 hours.


I love surprises. Good ones, of course. Who wants bad ones anyway?

I love to experience it so much that I plan surprises for my friends. Yes, yes, to give them a subtle clue. But, it was too subtle to notice! Man, I give them the most noticeable ones, I even tell them straight! How could they forget! Get a clue, man!

Not once. I was thrown a surprise party. Sadly. </3

I don't look like it but I am a sentimental person. I like letters over texts, that kind.

I hope my friends to conspire one another to throw me a surprise party. Something that would make me produce tears of joy. Really, I am so thoughtful that I give them gifts both on their birthdays and Christmas. I am kind of tired giving gifts and throwing a surprise party.

I was really lonely on my last birthday. Starbucks partners were nice to greet me happy birthday. I actually hated my friends that day and my birthday. Well, it couldn't be helped. Fvck holiday. Fvck midterms. I don't want anyone to post on my Facebook timeline on my birthday. I think they are fake because fucking Facebook reminded them.

My ideal surprise party?
Anything! Drat that. I want something creative. Something original.

Me being blindfolded or make me go in a labyrinth and in the end there is the surprise.
I actually love letters and notes so I am hoping to get a card full of messages from friends. Just good friends.
A cactus in a pot!!!
A reenactment of a debut!!!
(They are not creative. Hahaha)

In my whole 20 years, I haven't received a surprise on my birthday. Though in high school my good friends attempted to surprise me with a gift, I knew it right away and pretended to be surprised as to not ruin the moment. But I have lost all hope on my college friends. Drat. Yeah, I am pouting about it. Hahaha

It is 5:24 AM now and I haven’t slept. Hahaha maybe it is time to hit the sack!
Sorry for this random sulking post!

A Fetish for Tear-Jerker Films

I look and act like a kuudere (Japanese for cool-type characters) but I have a great, great love for sad movies — no, tear-jerker movies!

It all started when I became a college student. I recalled watching Windstruck. Man, it was said as a tear-jerker movie by my friend. I had not cried in any movie then so I challenged myself to give it a try. *contains SPOILERS* I was on the brink of crying when the male lead died however on the scene where his soul was finally saying goodbye to his depressed girlfriend, I couldn’t effing stop iiiit! It felt really good crying. I couldn’t move on for days!

Then I started asking my friends any movie that would surely make me cry. They gave me a good list: My Sister’s Keeper, A Moment to Remember, I Give My First Love to You, A Millionnaire’s First Love, Koizora, to give a few. These are notable ones by the way.

I mostly cried on Korean movies. They are really good in film making. And I like watching alone. I haven’t watched with anybody yet. That is why.

There was a time when I couldn’t cry. Nothing tingled my heartstrings. I stopped watching them for a while. I was very depressed. I thought I cried too much in real life in a very limited time. I said to myself if I cried again for that reason, I would not be able to save myself. I sought for a horror movie (for the first time and would be the last one I swear) to make me scream the daylights out of me. I felt like my life was fucked up that time in every area. It was Apartment 1303. I was disappointed. I did not scream much. I wasted money. Man, tear-jerkers are waaay better.

And so to cure myself (for not crying), I watched a certified tear-jerker movie that would be my excuse for crying. It was A Moment to Remember. There. I had a gooood cry. I loved it. Man, I feel like a crybaby! Hahaha but I don’t care. I really hope only tear-jerker films and anime could make me cry. I don’t really like crying much in real life.

As for anime series and movies, AnoHana is the only anime, both series and movie, that made me cry sooo much for three episodes!

I recently watched Miracle in Cell No. 7. It was the only movie that made me cry from start to finish. *sobs*

I am so emo. Hahaha