Downpour

I don’t want Wednesday to come.

But I have to come due to my duty as an officer.

Let’s say I don’t want to see a certain someone. Someone who used to be your best friend. Call me a coward but I am. I have to free myself from this emptiness. I have to learn to spend my days without him. No, don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate him. I hate myself for getting attached to him. Packing tape!

I guess it is time not to care about him anymore. Hell yeah! I am improving!

Few weeks ago, I wrote him a letter to save our friendship. I think that letter was a bomb. Maybe for the better or for worse. At least I reached him and said few of what I have to say. Communicating him was impossible that time. He was always busy. However I knew for sure he was avoiding me. That is why I wrote a letter.

He responded. The restart he is talking about, I realized after texting him and reading his responses, is really, really impossible to begin with. I, again, tried to patch things up but I realized that me making a move gets things worse. I had no idea. Yeah, I hate myself for making it worse.

I still have lots to clear and ask him. There are lots. It was like, I didn’t even get justice. I wanted to say to him that his reason for getting off the hook is unreasonable. His reasons are all about my faults.

I asked him if we were still best friends.. twice. He gave me vague responses in which I never deciphered.

The hurting part is that my own best friend doesn’t accept me for who I am. Instead of helping me improve myself… Sad. Real sad. I turn on the waterworks for a whole week.

The sure part is I still want to be his best friend.

Now, I have to move forward! Instead of mourning, I have to keep myself busy with studies and improving myself. I want to be happy! I think I deserve it.

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