Fair warning: This is not a ghost story.
‘Twas Thursday — the day I used to look forward to 2 years passed.
I went to school around 9AM and went to the library. It was our quiz on Geotechnical Engineering. Besavilla’s book was out hence I borrowed Gillesania review book for geotech from the student assistant in the lib.
I took out the borrower’s log card to write my name at the back of the book. What I saw there on the log killed the shit outta me. Someone said hi to me on the frigging log card! Right beside my name! It says “Hi Cye” and it switched me into grammar OC. “It” forgot the comma after hi! (Sorry. Grammarian mode is intentional. Please don’t hate me.)
The writer is none other than the guy who borrowed after me. (I borrowed the same book weeks ago.) The past me knew him very well. He never failed to surprise me. Drat that. The gesture was sweet. But if he were another person, I might think this plot is outta a shoujo manga. And hey, this must be sparks. But not. Me want sparks. Not some old ghost saying hi after a year of ended friendship.
I did not know what to feel. I like surprises like this. Not from him though. I felt dragged back to how I was a year ago — an empty, lifeless shell. A year ago, all aspects of my life failed especially academics. The issue that was supposed to be just between us leaked and hola! I looked like an unforgiving bitch until now. Thanks to certain people who couldn’t apologize properly and to my pride as high as Pepe’s kite.
I couldn’t concentrate on what I was studying. Oh, man. That sucked. It was really a bad idea to be immersed on those thoughts again.
The what-ifs. The I-should-haves. The regrets. The maybes. The happy times. The sad times.
I thought we lived differently now, not minding of each others’ lives because that is what I do and what I think they do.
It partly pissed me off. That was foul play. If he did that to not fully erase his existence (that I am still in the process of), well, congratulations, he did. Chances are he did that for nothing and look at how the damage to me was. I did not perfect the frigging quiz; I aimed to get a hundred!!! I studied hard for it yet a single gesture would make me forget yesternight’s worth of studying. I was just staring blindly from where I sit because I could not think of anything else.
Then I went to the WC. And I saw him in flesh. Really, not a good day to start. Jinx.
If you happen to read this, kindly leave me alone. I am still not ready for anything. I still don’t want to see you or be reminded of you. You don’t know how much damage you did.
Posted 2:00 AM
Sorry for ranting.