The Late-Night Post: Entry 6

I am currently enjoying my final year as a student. New set of friends. New subjects to enjoy. New “struggles” to overcome. New places to visit.

I really, really enjoy our thesis. So much! It can be energy-consuming most of the time, but I am having fun. The travels, misadventures, interviews, people — all of it! It became my saving grace. I also like my groupmates. They are awesome. We have a role allotted for the other. I learn how to manage people and the way of talking to them. The use and abuse of cajolery. Meeting different people made me learn a lot of things and I love it! Our thesis is my pride. I think we deserve to be number one. I strongly believe in it.

I also enjoyed our academics. However I was about to lose heart in Prestressed Concrete Design (PS) and Construction and Project Management (CPM). PS was one hell of a subject with one helluva professor! Dang it hit my mate it made me conscentious! So I swore I would help him in ways I can.

Another thing I learned this last term is to drink booze. Yeah, now I drink liquor. Wine, cocktail, beer, brandy, tequila. In great moderation though. I still do not like drinking. My mates think I have high tolerance against alcochol. We will see. I got my drinking buddies now. Hahaha

I can also say that my horizon is much wider than before. It is because a friend told me that I should not be imprisoned and die in civilization, and I must think out of the box.

Because I take slightly different classes than my friends since the first semester, I got to meet new sets of friends. It made me realize that separation can do you good.

I got to visit a lot of places! The farthest I have gone this academic year are Quezon Province and Nueva Ecija! I missed breathing the air of provinces. Refreshing despite the 3 to 4-hour bus ride from Manila. It was really cold in Sariaya, Quezon! Vee and I went there to surprise her boyfriend. One day I will sure go back to visit Kamay ni Hesus. Nueva Ecija was where I spent my teenage years so I got high school friends there. It was nostalgic to see my friends. I visit every end of the year to celebrate my best friend’s birthday.

I am visiting a lot of restos in the metro and trying every milk tea and coffee shop with friends. Most are yum! I will do reviews soon.

Struggles. Maybe I got no sense of belongingness from my own friends. Sigh. But it won’t stop me from being their friend. One day, I’ll fit in. It could be one of the reasons I am enjoying other’s company a lot.

I am a lot confident than I was before. Little by little, my timidness to speak fades. I really thank the people who helped me.

To end this random unrelated paragraphs, if I got spare time or maybe on my next rare vacation, I will post again! Btw, I composed another poem out of ennui.

Posted 2:53 AM GMT +8:00

P. S. My 100th post! Yay!


On Mediocrity

Why do I get the feeling that everything around me is substandard?

Why do I think all along the way, I’ve made the wrong decisions?

Why do I start regretting everything?

I was too naïve. Recently, I had seen how ugly reality is.

I chose the wrong school. I didn’t do my research about my current school. Those topnotchers were from other programs (courses). Since when was the last alumnus on top 10 of the board exam? God knows when. Our passing rate, in our department, is discouragingly low. Since I stepped on my third year here as an official student taking major subjects, I have realized we have substandard instructors! Really, I, we, did not learn anything starting from Statics of Rigid Bodies!!! I did not know what in the world we were drafting (more like copying) in Building Design! I did not know the contents of National Building Code of the Philippines! I did not know how to do AutoCAD anymore, what are the parts of a building and their functions, and what is the significance of those bloody formulae!

My physics professor (the only effective professor for me) told me yesternight that we can do it actually and told me things on why are we failing. I was embarrassed because he has high expectations from me as I used to top his exams and the Engineering Qualifying Exam.

Actually, I am not surprised on the outcome of our grade in Structural Theory. It would actually make sense if only four on our block passed; however, undeserving niggas passed, too. (For those who know me personally especially my blockmates or in the same year and course, do not be offended. This is what we assholes think all along.)

I am sad for my very good friend, Chezki. She is one of the cunning I’ve met. She is a scholar of Fluor-Daniel with allowance. Her parents are separated and they rely on their mother. She is the eldest and it is pressuring for her mother has high expectations from her. Without that scholarship, she couldn’t study. She is now troubled as she failed the bloody subject, thanks to our “effective and good-natured” professor. Now her scholarship would be gone. Darn it! Hence I am trying my best to support and help her. I suggest that we work whilst we study. The best paying job would be as a customer representative (AKA call center agent). However it is stressing aside from they do not hire part-timers. I suggest to work as a barista at Starbucks for it is near our alma mater. Editor in a journal, magazine or any reading material would be good for us. We are now in the middle of a job search. If my dad figures this out (me applying for a job), I’d be dead meat! It cannot be helped though. Dad’s salary is enough for us to make ends meet. He couldn’t shoulder more than this. Dad has pride. He doesn’t want us to pay it ourselves. He promised to give us comfort. My sister is studying in a catholic school. Yearly, its worth is roughly half my semestral tuition fee. That is about 20k. My brother is now on his second year in Jose Rizal University. His tuition is about 30k. Mine is whopping 40-45k. I do not wish to stop. I love studying. Not this semester though.

I am ashamed of myself. Not to my peers but to my parents. I’ve failed a subject before. But I skyrocketed my grades and status so I think I paid it. I was imposing on them, that’s why. I was the one who asked to have wifi and desktop on our home. They even bought me this new phone! I am embarrassed but I saw this coming already and I’ve already told them that I might fail. Dad’s mad.

Chezki and I came up with plans. Many plans. Aside from us working, we wished to transfer schools. I am envious of those who transferred. They made the right decision. They are misconceptualized as those who fail in our course. Wrong! They are those who realized they won’t get anywhere. Our choices are TUP and TIP. Since TUP is strict and we couldn’t afford repeating everything, we’d go for TIP.

I am jealous of Jody, Norbert, James, Eloie and Roselle. They are now learning. I read from Jody’s acknowledgment in her compilation in Building Design that they use the Building Code, know the computations, and what they are actually drawing. Yep, they are that fortunate. How I wished I’d join them. TIP is perfect because of these. Moreover, its tuition fee is half ours! Hoorah for that! Chezki could pay it herself given that she works. I could also help Dad minimize his expenditures!

It would be good leaving because I am leaving what should be left and forgotten.

Some things are holding me back though. Vee, I couldn’t leave her. She is my best friend! I have a duty to help and be there for her. Two, CJ, she relies on me as I am her partner on AdU-ACES. She frets too much, I couldn’t leave her. Three, my duty as an Academic Directress. It is my sworn duty to be.

So if our plan’s in favor of us, goodbye, AdU-ACES, mediocrity, good friends, Paotsin, free wifi, green comp shop, BKK, PSAU, CE Night!

If there is one thing why I am transferring, it would be because, I do not want mediocrity anymore!

Posted from WordPress for Android

Fourth Year Retard Part 1

(This is the first time I am going to use the WP mobile app! Awesome, isn’t it? But hell no I am not going to blog about this app. Hahaha)

Well, I will tell you what? I am now in the middle of brainstorming quirks, tricks and  bombs I am gonna throw on our, CJ and I, event this coming July 24 and 31, whilst trying to do academic things productively and figuring out when will I fold my clothes that are just sitting there in my closet. I am so busy with academics and org stuffs to do personal chores like cleaning my room, trimming my fingernails, and overhauling my closet. I don’t even think I have social life anymore. Well I do have two if you call facebooking ang tweeting socializing.

Nonetheless, I like being busy like hell. I was really, really bored the whole summer that I think I am going to be an idiot if I don’t do mental work. I hate chores. Hahaha yeah I am lazy. I was like, “Give me work!!! Give me puzzles!!” I almost finished my puzzles hidden in my shelves.

I am actually enjoying this pressure, these org stuffs, these projects. Most of them! Hahaha! I make use of my insomnia and get it cured gradually due to mental fatigue.

However, my fun fades away when my terminal disease kicks in, the side-effect of my mental exhaustion. I tend to sleep a lot these days, often daily in most of my subjects. Sometimes, I think I am retarded. I do get retarded at times. It was like part of my brain was shutting down and I was not able to think of tricks to solve a problem smoothly. It was depressing. Especially last Thursday on our major subject, everyone understood the topic whilst I, like an imbecile, still asking my seatmates on how to do the Maxwell Diagram shits. I reckon my friends who look up to me (if they do exist) are beginning to think I am like this due to a certain thing. I assured them not for I really am not.

My status as a student was getting dramatically lower. I am at the nadir of my “career”. I have to remember my goals and the reason I am still a CE student and not shifting to Neurology. (If there were a scholarship for Neurology or just an exchange student, I would grab it! After my board exam though.)

I am telling my scumbag brain to focus. Forcing myself to study is never my style. It will result to maybe good grades but never learn. I want to go back when I was a fresh third year student with too damn high motivation for proving them wrong and get perfect exam scores without even pushing an effort and just review a little. Never cramming but always acts like cramming just to blend with the panicking crowd and not be told “Pakopya naman!” or “Naks di na nagrereview!” or “Talino! Perfect na?” I dunno. I am not really happy when people say that so if you are my schoolmate, never tell me those things I mentioned.

This week is actually our “hell week”. Exams, exams, exams everywhere. I still don’t understand Statics to Mechanics of deformable Bodies. Now we have Structural Theory. It is true what our dear professor in Theory said to us during one of his impromptu-asking-anything moments, “You never learn! Go sit here in front so you’ll learn!” and, “Go back to SRB and MDB! You don’t understand.” I am more than willing to do that but I cannot. One, our family is suffering financial crisis. Two, no time. They have no idea how much I wanted to repeat every subject which I think I have not learned anything a bit with the most awesome professors.

Professors here are not motivating my cognitive skills. Psychological tests all suggest that my cognitive skills are highly exeptional. So why in the world it is dropping? Professors here do teach us but there is something lacking in it…something that makes me enjoy the difficult subjects like a nerd. Exploring. That is the word. I tend to explore and create new ways on solving a problem. I could think of several solutions in one problem. I used to be!!! But they teach us just one way of solving the reactions in a truss. Just the same bookish way the whooooole semester or scool year. Another is my mind is always flying off to somewhere unthinkable. (On the contrary, I have been absent-minded since. Hahaha) And I hate it. Now I do cram! Now, scram! Hahaha

I am trying to gain my dignity back. My place in the bulletin board, the scholarship that only a few know, my promise, my fun. Please pray for my scumbag brain. Thank you very much if you do.

Enrollment Situations

I am very much excited for the new semester. Well, there is the new me, new subjects to enjoy (yeah I do love learning). I am most thrilled about seeing my beloved friends. 🙂

About enrolment, this was probably my easiest. Within 10 minutes, you can finish enrolling provided that you paid the tuition prior the enrollment and you go to school early to avoid long queue for the printing of assessment form. This is the privilege you can get if you are in a block section or a regular student.

As for the irregular students, this was probably the hardest. My friends who are irregular students waited as the clock stroke at midnight on May 27th for the online enrollment or reservation of sections until June 5th. It is the survival of the fittest. The fastest finger wins the trophy. Many got frustrated as their picked sections got by another. Students with ID numbers from 2011-2012 got nervous when the system prioritized students whose numbers start earlier than them and the subjects began to be unavailable or close. Some who went on a vacation thinking they had reserved their sections already had their reservations deleted and opened and grabbed making them start from zero. On June 5, E-learning shut down for “repairs”. Their enrolled subjects got all deleted! Everyone panicked. Many voiced out their frustrations on social networking sites. Eventually, the site came back. Hehehe. Thanks, God.

A year and a half back, I myself was an irregular student. There was no such thing as online enrollment, only online reservation. You had to print this darn mock assessment form before enrolling. When the day of enrollment came, Vee, Tin, Cura, Adrianne and I went as early as 6:30AM to pay our tuition fees to avoid a very long line. Next we went to OZ 202 (which was a building away) for the advising of subjects which I think was very useless as it consumed our precious time especially when the adviser is gay that took us a long time when there were cute guys ahead of us. (Oops! Running sentences there. Hahaha)

Then we joined a long queue of students who encode their subjects personally. When I say long, I mean the queue extends from the end of the fourth floor which I thought never existed to the 2nd floor then enter three darn rooms and occupy the shit 40 seats (and it makes 120 seats thank you very much) to another building’s ground floor.

We suffered third world problems that day: heat, hunger, poverty, thirst, hunger, and overpopulation. Lunch break came but not a drink, not even a bite. It was getting hotter. We have to guard our post otherwise some dude might get it.

Finally we entered CL4, the room where we encoded our sections. But Adrianne and Tin got separated from us! Panic mode!!! We got our sections from Addi. The funny thing was Addi was our classmate just on one subject: Rizal. Hahaha! Adrianne promised to call us up so we could have the same schedules. We did it. But, hey! We were finally enrolled! Yahoo! It was 3:00PM when we finished. Eight and a half hours!!! We are dead hungry and so we we decided to eat at Chic-Boy at UN Avenue. I ate plenty and so were they! Hahahaha!

The Story So Far

Second Year…
Few new classmates, new friends, new subjects.
The most significant part of this year was that I, for the first time in my whole life, failed a subject. Yes, I did. I was kinda depressed for my parents who pay my tuition. On the other hand, I didn’t regret failing the said subject. It was actually an angel in disguise for I have to repeat the subject and learn about it and be friends with the subject. Hahahaha! Yeah, be friends with the subject. Now I love that subject. As in. Summer, i met new friends from other courses. I love them all. Then there was Engineering Qualifying Exam. I swear I’d make a comeback. AND I DID!!! Hahahaha! i returned my ruined reputation and become the overall top 7 on the said exam.

Third Year…
As usual, new classmates but on a new block, new pals mostly men, new experiences.
This year is the most significant year. There are a lot of first times this year. Made mistakes, made an enemy, made new circle of friends, expanded my world. My knowledge of friends, booze, boys, love, pain, hate, society became a whole lot wider. Most are first-hand experiences that I will never ever forget.

All these are the story so far. Better watch out for the update and the stories in detail!